So, about a year ago, I lost 10% body weight and about 20 pounds. I really didn’t care about the weight number, when I started to get healthy. The goal was to reduce 3% body fat in 6 weeks, which I surprised myself and succeeded!

What it took were relatively simple lifestyle adjustments. I hesitate to say “changes”. In the gym, I joined, I had to publish on social media platforms at least 30 times (This was my biggest fear!). I am typically a private person. However, that experience broadened what I was able to accomplish, helped me inspire others, and has brought me here.

My diet focused on protein to help build muscle, and also drank more water (really, only water), omitted sugar, omitted fried foods, limited carbs. In addition, I really didn’t snack anymore. The exercising was enjoyable. I learned that I had to start the day with a 5am workout. I knew if I waited that something else would interfere in the afternoons or evenings. I went to the gym at least 5 days weekly.

Shortly after I surpassed my target goals and set new ones, two significant roadblocks happened. First, my dad passed away. He was 100. He was an amazing human and father. I was devastated. Next, someone I had ended a relationship with was stalking me on social media on the gym’s website. Therefore, I had to notify the gym and others, who may be tagging me in their photos. Getting back into the gym and enjoying it was harder and ultimately, I stopped going because some of the instructors changed too. It was the trifecta that sent me on a self destruction path.

Which leads me to now. I have been making food choices that are short term gratifications…many short term gratification choices. Ultimately I actually have rolls the first time in my life on my back and a belly and gut that protrude just past my boobs. Ugh! My knees are beginning to hurt, my ankles hurt. Today, I tried to hug my legs as I was waiting for some friends near a waters’ edge, and I couldn’t do it because my belly was in the way. Wow. After some thinking, I didn’t want to be tied to any gym. I lost the body fat before, so I knew I could do it again. I would have to show up daily for myself

To be continued…

Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling, but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are with what you have. Just…start. -Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Nigerian Poet

Showing up. That was my goal, my success. Just show up.

I use to hike/walk often. It has never been difficult for me. I am 5’9, and most of my life I have been on average 138-140 lbs. This is post high school and college. My first battle with weight gain was during the time that I was obtaining my Masters. I have often compared myself to a hummingbird. When I am moving, I am an energetic force. However, when I am still, my blood pressure and heart rate would drop to the 60s, and I would usually fall asleep. Like a hummingbird, I fluctuated from fast movement to stillness. So, to keep myself awake while I sat and studied during my post graduate work, I started snacking. Never did I snack before. AND, I was so tired, I didn’t prepare breakfast. Instead for nearly two years I bought a vanilla latte and cinnamon roll every morning. Before I knew it, I was buying new clothes slightly bigger. This became my new normal. I switched jobs at this time, so even my new colleagues never knew me in any other shape.

There came a time that I needed to start exercising. For the most part, by this time- five years later, I was eating pretty well. What I didn’t realize, during the menopausal stages of life, my body was loving the healthy fats…almonds doused with olive oil and lemon pepper, avocados, vegan foods. Again, my size grew. Missing from my life, exercise loomed like a shadow. I started an app program, which helped kickstart the exercise, and where I learned just how much fat I was in-taking. After I began walking daily, I decided to start running (or fast walking, more or less). I enjoyed it. Later in the year, I decided to run a local marathon, maybe a half marathon, so I started training. Little did I know that I had a torn meniscus with bone spurs. I ended up having knee surgery. Once again, I ended up in a somewhat sedentary situation.

When my knee was stronger, I began physical therapy. The guidance about stretches and strength building exercise helped my overall heath. After a few months, I decided to join a gym that was advertising losing 3% body fat in six weeks or your money back. I investigated the program; I checked the ratings out online; I called and asked lots of questions wondering,”What is gimmick?” I joined and was successful. I looked forward to skiing, dancing, being in front of others and feeling confident.

Like I said, two events changed everything. I now realize how life can affect us in profound and often unhealthy ways. How we comfort and “heal” ourselves, giving us “this” time to allow us to “enjoy” and hide while we grieve, in no way heals ourselves. I reached at least 180 pounds! Never in my life. Yesterday, as I was walking up a hill, I had to stop multiple times. Humbled, I realized that I am carrying an extra 50 pounds. 50 extra pounds!!! I couldn’t breathe well. I was getting dizzy. I could feel my heart rate beating fast and loud.

To be continued…

So, my munchkin, who is growing up too fast, prioritized his hobbies and activities a couple of years ago, and his number on was lacrosse. People tell you that their kids grew up too fast. Watching my nieces, nephews, and little cousins grow up, I remember thinking, “Geeze, it seems like just yesterday that they were small.” My munchkin, my son, loves sports and the arts. I love that he is well-balanced. I find him either dancing, singing, or swinging or bouncing whatever is in front of him. He is a great athlete. Although he is on the smaller side, he is wicked fast.

Next year, he will be transitioning to middle school. Currently he is attending the school across the bay, which feeds into the “well respected” high school; however, we live in my alma mater’s neighborhood, which is great (under appreciated for sure). The teachers at our neighborhood school would rival any other. My son could walk, run, or ride his bike to school at anytime. Bottom line, there are some choices for my son and me to make for the next school year. Yet, here is a key difference between the schools…my alma mater does not have lacrosse. The school across the bay does.

And, I begin to start a youth lacrosse club… Kinda fun. Kinda overwhelming. I like a challenge, another journey. How to start a Youths Sports Club…just do it…do it for someone you love. Do it because the sport is worth growing. Do it because the more opportunities kids have, the better. More to come.

So, I found an app (30 Day Fitness Challenge) that is great! There are different levels that you can work through. Most importantly the Easy Plan 1 starts off pretty much with getting my tush up and moving. It was so basic that I felt like I accomplished something. Yeah me with5 jumping jumps! Woohoo!

I was doing great until I came upon Day 9. Whoa! This is starting to be a little harder and the list is longer. I might have to revisit Day 1…since I have been on Day 12 for over a week. Hmm…. I’ll conquer this.

Good news is that I have cut out the sugar from my diet…finally…again. Last time I stopped eating sugar, I didn’t eat it for 2 years. When I started again, in four months I had gained 20 pounds. For all those interested in shock value, that is gaining five pounds a month! Sugar=weight gain? We’ll see! All I know is that I’ve lost 4 pounds in nearly 2 months.

My whole life I was slender or athletic or fit or thin or out of shape, but never fat. There are so many back stories and excuses, yet bottomline…today I am fat. Gross fat. Skinny fatt. Imagine a chicken with no plump, with skin that covers thin bones and hangs.

I remember years ago when I first heard about muffin tops. Now I am not talking about Seinfeld’s skit about muffin tops (I think it was from Seinfeld).

Anyhow, I was kind of envious because it seemed as everyone had them. I felt kinda left out. Then, one day it happened; I had a muffin top, although slight, it was enough. I cannot believe I ever wanted a muffin top… because now I have one, the jiggly kind. I am actually overweight and unhealthy. All sorts of things about my body have shifted. I am experiencing all kinds of yuck.

Sitting down to use the toilet and my stomach is now a platform, it lays upon my legs. My butt crack sweats. Maybe that is TMI, but it’s true. I am having trouble putting on my shoes standing up. There are bumps growing on my carefully sculpted cellulite thighs. Sometimes I wonder if I should be concerned with deeper bumps because this is ALL new.

I am going to Write the Journey with photos along the way to keep it honest.

So my dad just celebrated his 95th birthday. Most of the family was at the party. The only ones missing had the flu, pneumonia, or torn shoulder and were about eight hours away; needless to say, they also have enough respect and love to keep the germs away from their grandfather. Nineteen people loving on the old man.

My dad is a family man. He lives every day of his life making a difference to each child, grandchild, and now great grandchildren. He had kids to enjoy them.

This morning he woke up feeling nauseous. I drove him to emergicare where his blood pressure was 218/125. Normal for my dad is 130/75. He was transported by ambulance to the ER. Now it is a waiting game. He has been admitted to the hospital.

Today is the first day of this blogging experience…excited, tentative, and a tad overwhelmed. Wondering what will be read…

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton